Dear Family & Friends,
I imagine you’re thinking, “Wow, this is a super long letter!” Anyhow, I sincerely hope you hang in until the end because I think you’ll find your wait worthwhile. Some of what I recall might be repetitive if you follow our blog, but please bear with us.
As you know, Matt and I have been pursuing adoption for about a year now. You have all been so encouraging. We are very grateful for your generous financial support during our benefit concert last October. Your support means a lot to us because this adoption journey has been a mental and spiritual roller coaster. Some days are thrilling because we’re focused on the prize: a beautiful child we can call our own. Other days are filled with anxiety as I grow impatient and uncertain.
While planning the benefit concert, Matt and I were very careful to wait for God’s direction and provision. Please believe me when I say that MUCH prayer went into planning our concert. However, from a human’s perspective, the concert was a failure. My heart was broken after the concert did not produce the attendance we hoped for. Christian artists Jimmy Needham and Kimber Rising performed as if thousands were in attendance. Those who came were very generous, enthusiastic, and supportive. We raised just enough money to cover our costs plus pay the first installment of our home study fee with Lifeline Adoption Agency. If you knew how few were in attendance, you’d know that coming out ahead was a huge blessing. Still, I was devastated.
Immediately following the concert, I prayed every day asking God to show me where I went wrong. I felt humiliated after the concert. Everyone had been so generous and yet we were still a long way from affording our international adoption. I began asking God, “Did I just imagine that you called Matt and I to adopt?” God spoke to me very sweetly in the weeks following the concert. He affirmed our calling to adopt. He also told me He was not disappointed in us which was an enormous relief. Satan loves to humiliate us, but God is gentle. He used my embarrassment to teach me humility and grace. Only our sweet Lord can humble us without humiliating us.
As I reported in our blog, God has been very quiet since late October. Before October, God talked to me all the time. Not in an audible voice, but nonetheless, He spoke to my heart regularly. Since October, all God says is, “Wait; be patient.” Let me tell you, waiting on the Lord is exhausting.
On November 19, 2011, I wrote on our blog, “We do not know what God's plan is for our family. It's tough to be patient and faithful when you long for something this badly. I feel restless many days, but my love for God has not changed.” I’ll be honest; I have not appreciated God’s imposed “quiet time.” Many times I have begged God to hurry up and give us a baby! I’m ashamed to admit that my sassy mouth has demanded that God speak to me. Obviously the last several months have not been my finest.
God should be furious with me over my bad attitude and disrespect. But He is so tender with me. I love Him because He shows me so much mercy. Clearly I needed some help, so I started to see my pastor (Keith) for counseling. Keith said that God wants me to use this quiet time to reflect on His faithfulness. Let me tell you, there is MUCH to reflect on because God has been very faithful and good to me.
Fast Forward: I had knee surgery this year after I tore my ACL coaching gymnastics. While in physical therapy, the same woman kept staring at me week after week. Finally, one day in late February, she motioned me over and said the most bizarre thing: “You are going to think I am crazy, but God told me I’m suppose to talk to you.” WOW! That might freak you out but remember, I’d been begging God to speak to me for months! I wish I could describe how elated I felt. As it turns out, God told Jennifer to speak to me weeks prior, but it had taken her a while to work up the courage.
Her message to me from God was this: “You’re between the rains. Your faith is being tested, but your rain is coming.” Super confusing, right? Jennifer had been participating in a Beth Moore Bible Study titled, Mercy Triumphs, when God gave her this message for me (a stranger). Beth Moore was teaching from James, Chapter 5. I got home and immediately downloaded the lesson. I was blown away!
James 5:7-11
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand… Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand… Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.
Allow me to explain the passage, and I believe you'll see why I was so thrilled to hear from God! As the passage explains, the farmer patiently waits for the early and the late rains. Think of the rains as an outpouring of God's spirit and presence. It's a time when He reveals Himself vividly and His presence is felt. Until late October, I definitely felt like I was in the rains.
According to the agrarian calendar, the early rains come in late October to early November. The late rains don't come until April/May. The passage above describes the season in between the early and late rains where the farmer must wait and be patient. During this time, the Farmer's trust (in God's provision) is tested because he so desperately depends on the late rains for his livelihood. Ironically, every mention of "early and late rains" in the Old Testament occurs in a context affirming the faithfulness of the Lord (Deut 11, Hosea 6).
While we are between rains, we may not hear God's voice, Beth explains. His presence may seem a million miles away. Wow! This is precisely how I've felt for the last several months. Since the “early rains” stopped (around late October/early November) I've wandered where God went. I've wondered why He doesn't speak to me like He use to.
Beth explains that there comes a time when the Word of God is tested in our lives. You cannot flood a crop and expect it to grow, right? Like Pastor Keith says, this "in-between" season is a time for reflection. It's time to remember and reflect on God's faithfulness and rehearse the things God has said to us and promised us.
This passage has been a HUGE blessing to me. If you know that your rain, your relief, is coming, then you are able to muster enough strength to remain steadfast and to persevere. I told my women’s prayer group about it and they all got chills. Every Wednesday, these women have prayed that God would bring Matt and me a child of our own this year. I wish you could hear their beautiful words as they pray with expectation that God will show up for us. They’ve even prayed that my “late rains” would come in April/May timeframe, just like the farmer’s late rains. God does enjoy symbolism, does He not?! Such a specific prayer is worth a try, I think.
Well, I am thrilled beyond measure to report that MATT AND I ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the time you read this, I will be three months pregnant, which I believed highly improbable. Matt and I are shocked, but excited and very very happy. Interestingly, I learned I was pregnant in early May, the same time farmers receive their late rains. A coincidence? ABSOLUTELY NOT! By the way, I am due January 11, 2013. God is soooooooo great!
So what about our adoption? Our home study report has been completed, but our adoption agency has suspended our adoption until six months after we deliver our biological baby. It may come as a surprise, but postponing our adoption is saddening. In my heart, I strongly believe God has called Matt and I to adopt. More than that, my heart longs to build our family through adoption. My heart breaks for the millions of orphaned children who deserve a mom and dad to call their own. I suppose God has a different time table in mind, but I will be so thrilled if/when God enables us to resume our adoption process.
Dearest family and friends, your financial support means a lot to us. When you gave generously, your intent was to further our adoption. We understand that and appreciate you so much. However, our adoption is on hold for a while, and it is really important to Matt and me that we return your donations.
Some of you donated via check and others cash. If you donated to our adoption with a check, please accept the enclosed money. You may be tempted not to deposit it, but please know that it would give Matt and me much peace and satisfaction if you would.
Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing who donated cash or how much. If you will let us know what you donated, we will be pleased to send you a check. Whatever donations remain, we plan to give them to our church’s adoption ministry. We hope you find this satisfactory. God is still calling families to adoption because His heart is for the orphaned (James 1).
Thank you for reading until the end. I hope you know how much Matt and I love you all. We will continue to update everyone on our blog: www.PittmanAdoption.blogspot.com. God is soooooooo good!
Lots-of-Love,
Matt and Tiffany Pittman
Wait on the LORD. Be courageous, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait on the LORD! – Psalm 27:14.
