God Brought the Rains!!!!!!

Dear Family & Friends,

            I imagine you’re thinking, “Wow, this is a super long letter!”  Anyhow, I sincerely hope you hang in until the end because I think you’ll find your wait worthwhile.  Some of what I recall might be repetitive if you follow our blog, but please bear with us. 

             As you know, Matt and I have been pursuing adoption for about a year now.  You have all been so encouraging.  We are very grateful for your generous financial support during our benefit concert last October.  Your support means a lot to us because this adoption journey has been a mental and spiritual roller coaster.  Some days are thrilling because we’re focused on the prize: a beautiful child we can call our own.  Other days are filled with anxiety as I grow impatient and uncertain. 

            While planning the benefit concert, Matt and I were very careful to wait for God’s direction and provision.  Please believe me when I say that MUCH prayer went into planning our concert.  However, from a human’s perspective, the concert was a failure.  My heart was broken after the concert did not produce the attendance we hoped for.  Christian artists Jimmy Needham and Kimber Rising performed as if thousands were in attendance.  Those who came were very generous, enthusiastic, and supportive.    We raised just enough money to cover our costs plus pay the first installment of our home study fee with Lifeline Adoption Agency.   If you knew how few were in attendance, you’d know that coming out ahead was a huge blessing.  Still, I was devastated.

            Immediately following the concert, I prayed every day asking God to show me where I went wrong.  I felt humiliated after the concert.  Everyone had been so generous and yet we were still a long way from affording our international adoption.  I began asking God, “Did I just imagine that you called Matt and I to adopt?”  God spoke to me very sweetly in the weeks following the concert.  He affirmed our calling to adopt.  He also told me He was not disappointed in us which was an enormous relief.  Satan loves to humiliate us, but God is gentle.  He used my embarrassment to teach me humility and grace.  Only our sweet Lord can humble us without humiliating us.

            As I reported in our blog, God has been very quiet since late October.  Before October, God talked to me all the time.  Not in an audible voice, but nonetheless, He spoke to my heart regularly.  Since October, all God says is, “Wait; be patient.”  Let me tell you, waiting on the Lord is exhausting.

            On November 19, 2011, I wrote on our blog, “We do not know what God's plan is for our family.  It's tough to be patient and faithful when you long for something this badly.  I feel restless many days, but my love for God has not changed.”  I’ll be honest; I have not appreciated God’s imposed “quiet time.”  Many times I have begged God to hurry up and give us a baby!  I’m ashamed to admit that my sassy mouth has demanded that God speak to me.  Obviously the last several months have not been my finest.         

            God should be furious with me over my bad attitude and disrespect.  But He is so tender with me.  I love Him because He shows me so much mercy.  Clearly I needed some help, so I started to see my pastor (Keith) for counseling.  Keith said that God wants me to use this quiet time to reflect on His faithfulness.  Let me tell you, there is MUCH to reflect on because God has been very faithful and good to me.   

            Fast Forward:  I had knee surgery this year after I tore my ACL coaching gymnastics.  While in physical therapy, the same woman kept staring at me week after week.  Finally, one day in late February, she motioned me over and said the most bizarre thing:  “You are going to think I am crazy, but God told me I’m suppose to talk to you.”  WOW!  That might freak you out but remember, I’d been begging God to speak to me for months!  I wish I could describe how elated I felt.  As it turns out, God told Jennifer to speak to me weeks prior, but it had taken her a while to work up the courage. 

            Her message to me from God was this:  “You’re between the rains.  Your faith is being tested, but your rain is coming.”  Super confusing, right?  Jennifer had been participating in a Beth Moore Bible Study titled, Mercy Triumphs, when God gave her this message for me (a stranger).  Beth Moore was teaching from James, Chapter 5.  I got home and immediately downloaded the lesson.  I was blown away! 

James 5:7-11
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord.   See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand… Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

            Allow me to explain the passage, and I believe you'll see why I was so thrilled to hear from God!  As the passage explains, the farmer patiently waits for the early and the late rains.  Think of the rains as an outpouring of God's spirit and presence.  It's a time when He reveals Himself vividly and His presence is felt.  Until late October, I definitely felt like I was in the rains.

According to the agrarian calendar, the early rains come in late October to early November.  The late rains don't come until April/May.  The passage above describes the season in between the early and late rains where the farmer must wait and be patient.  During this time, the Farmer's trust (in God's provision) is tested because he so desperately depends on the late rains for his livelihood.  Ironically, every mention of "early and late rains" in the Old Testament occurs in a context affirming the faithfulness of the Lord (Deut 11, Hosea 6). 

While we are between rains, we may not hear God's voice, Beth explains.  His presence may seem a million miles away.  Wow! This is precisely how I've felt for the last several months.  Since the “early rains” stopped (around late October/early November) I've wandered where God went.  I've wondered why He doesn't speak to me like He use to. 

Beth explains that there comes a time when the Word of God is tested in our lives.  You cannot flood a crop and expect it to grow, right?  Like Pastor Keith says, this "in-between" season is a time for reflection.  It's time to remember and reflect on God's faithfulness and rehearse the things God has said to us and promised us.

This passage has been a HUGE blessing to me.  If you know that your rain, your relief, is coming, then you are able to muster enough strength to remain steadfast and to persevere.  I told my women’s prayer group about it and they all got chills. Every Wednesday, these women have prayed that God would bring Matt and me a child of our own this year.  I wish you could hear their beautiful words as they pray with expectation that God will show up for us.  They’ve even prayed that my “late rains” would come in April/May timeframe, just like the farmer’s late rains.  God does enjoy symbolism, does He not?!  Such a specific prayer is worth a try, I think.

Well, I am thrilled beyond measure to report that MATT AND I ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  By the time you read this, I will be three months pregnant, which I believed highly improbable.  Matt and I are shocked, but excited and very very happy.  Interestingly, I learned I was pregnant in early May, the same time farmers receive their late rains.  A coincidence?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  By the way, I am due January 11, 2013.  God is soooooooo great!

So what about our adoption?  Our home study report has been completed, but our adoption agency has suspended our adoption until six months after we deliver our biological baby.  It may come as a surprise, but postponing our adoption is saddening.  In my heart, I strongly believe God has called Matt and I to adopt.   More than that, my heart longs to build our family through adoption. My heart breaks for the millions of orphaned children who deserve a mom and dad to call their own.  I suppose God has a different time table in mind, but I will be so thrilled if/when God enables us to resume our adoption process.

Dearest family and friends, your financial support means a lot to us.  When you gave generously, your intent was to further our adoption.  We understand that and appreciate you so much.  However, our adoption is on hold for a while, and it is really important to Matt and me that we return your donations. 

Some of you donated via check and others cash.  If you donated to our adoption with a check, please accept the enclosed money.  You may be tempted not to deposit it, but please know that it would give Matt and me much peace and satisfaction if you would. 

Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing who donated cash or how much.  If you will let us know what you donated, we will be pleased to send you a check.  Whatever donations remain, we plan to give them to our church’s adoption ministry.  We hope you find this satisfactory.  God is still calling families to adoption because His heart is for the orphaned (James 1).

Thank you for reading until the end.  I hope you know how much Matt and I love you all.   We will continue to update everyone on our blog:  www.PittmanAdoption.blogspot.com.  God is soooooooo good!

                                                              Lots-of-Love,

Matt and Tiffany Pittman

Wait on the LORD.  Be courageous, and He will strengthen your heart.  Wait on the LORD! – Psalm 27:14.

His Mercies are New Every Morning!

I was listening to Christian apologist, Ravi Zacharias, while he was sharing a poem by an unknown author. 

A New Sheet, A New Day

He came to my desk with a quivering lip,
the lesson was done.
“Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted
and gave him a new one all unspotted.
And into his tired heart I cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

I came to the throne with a trembling heart;
the day was done.
“Have you a new day for me, dear Master?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
He took my day, all soiled and blotted
and gave me a new one all unspotted.
And into my tired heart he cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

My mind keeps reflecting on [my affliction] and I become depressed.  This is what comes to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's gracious love we are not consumed, since His compassions never end.  They are new every morning - great is Your faithfulness!

I love this poem because it reminds me of my favorite verses from Lamentations.  Matt and I are still adopting and this season continues to be very difficult (spiritually and mentally).  My mind often fixates on the challenges and I become impatient and depressed.  But my God's compassion NEVER fails.  Just as the King David describes in Psalms 30: 5:  Weeping may lodge for the night, but shouts of joy come in the morning!  His mercies are new every morning... I get a new day!

If you've cried yourself to sleep, I pray you've experienced God's mercy in the morning... that assurance He gives you that it's a new day, and He has not left your side! 

Poem Reference:  Author anonymous, “A New Leaf,” James G. Lawson, compiler, The Best Loved Religious Poems (Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1961).

Jimmy Needham - If I Ever Needed Grace, It's Now!

I am such a fan of Jimmy Needham!  He is clearly INSANELY gifted by God.  But my admiration for him and his gift go deeper.  He was the headliner at our adoption benefit concert which afforded me the chance to get to know him better.  Wow, I wish everyone could spend at least an hour with him!  He is special.  I believe Jimmy, like King David, is a man after God's heart.  I am thankful for him and the ministry God is giving him.  I get a bit teary-eyed when I think about what his music means to me.  Lord, please continue to protect and develop Jimmy's ministry.

Jimmy is releasing his new album.... but I'd like to give you a tease of what's to come!  The single is titled, "If I Ever Needed Grace."  Go to his website, and download his single and pre-order his album.

http://www.jimmyneedham.com/

Jimmy Needham - If I Ever Needed Grace
A lifetime of empty days
A hungry heart was desperate for a meal
I feasted on the bread of life
Forgiveness pierced me like a knife
Your breath filled up my lungs and I could feel
I was broke and all I could say was
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace, it’s now

I met the woman of my dreams
Wanted to give her everything
Then fear came like a thief in the night
But my journal pages prophesy
That one day I’d make her my bride
Soon my best friend was wearing white
With our lives ahead all I could say was

If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
In every joy and pain
Whatever comes my way
God I need Your grace

Nine short months ’til she arrived
Little hands and lion’s eyes
And I’m so scared I don’t have what it takes
But I hear Your voice Sunday morning
Father give me eyes to see
All I need’s the power of Your Name
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace
If I ever needed grace
If I ever needed grace, it’s now

God Spoke... My rain is coming!

     This post will be especially long, but I haven't written anything for almost 3 months.  I want to tell you how God finally spoke to me last week.  I have to tell you, He chose a somewhat bizarre method to deliver His message.  Bear with me as I quickly give the background.
    
     Beginning late last October, God became very quiet.  Before then, God talked to me all the time.  Not in an audible voice, but nonetheless, He spoke to my heart regularly.  He has been quiet for over four months now and I have been so sad and defeated by this "season."

     I have been heartbroken over our stalled adoption for months now.  I have asked God what to do.  I've asked Him for direction.  I've begged Him to speak to me.  But He says nothing.  The only thing I hear, somewhere in my spirit, is a small voice that says, "Wait.  Be patient."  Let me tell you, waiting is exhausting. 

   I had knee surgery in January after I tore my ACL coaching gymnastics.  Consequently, I've been going to physical therapy for the past couple months.  I kept seeing this same blond hair woman at my appointments.  She'd smile or sometimes say, "Hello."  To be honest, she sort of looked at me funny... like she recognized me but couldn't place me. 

   Last week, she motioned me over and said the strangest thing:  "You're going to think I'm crazy, but God told me I'm suppose to talk to you."  WOW!  That was the greatest news I had heard in the longest time.  I had been begging God to talk to me - I wish I could describe how elated I was that He was finally going to speak!

     I told her, "I'm a Christian too!  And if God told you to talk to me, I definitely want to hear what He has to say!"  As it turns out, God told her to speak to me weeks ago, but she was too afraid.  She had finally worked up the nerve.  I was so anxious to hear what God had told her.  Unfortunately, God just told her to talk to me... there was no specific message.

     I was sort of disappointed, but we decided to have lunch together and just visit.  I learned her name, which is Jennifer, and much more.  We had a great time.  I told Jennifer about some of my favorite Bible teachers.  If you don't know this already, I am a HUGE fan of Chuck Missler, Ravi Zacharias, and Beth Moore.  As it turns out, Jennifer was unfamiliar with Beth Moore.

     We parted after lunch but agreed we'd meet up again next week.  Well, a few days later, Jennifer sends me a bizarre text that says:  "You're between the rains.  Your faith is being tested.  Your rain is coming.  -This is what God told me to tell you." 

     I was so confused.  Jennifer explained that she had gone to a Beth Moore Bible study with a friend on Wednesday night.  It was Beth's newest Bible study called, Mercy Triumphs which is a Bible study on the book of James.  Beth was in the 7th lesson teaching from James 5.  I was desperate to learn what the message meant, but I needed the context.  So, I went online and downloaded the lesson to listen for myself.  I WAS BLOW AWAY!!!!

 Below is the passage that Beth was teaching from:

James 5:7-11
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

     Allow me to explain the passage, and I believe you'll see why I was so thrilled to hear from God.

     As the passage explains, the farmer patiently waits for the early and late rains.  Think of the rains as an outpouring of God's spirit and presence.  It's a time when he reveals Himself vividly and His presence is felt.  Until late October, I definitely felt like I was in the rains.
     According to the agrarian calendar, the early rains come in late October to early November.  The late rains don't come until April/May.  The passage above describes the season in between the early and late rains where the farmer must be patient.  During this time, the Farmer's trust (in God's provision) is tested because he so desperately depends on the late rains for his livelihood.  Ironically, every mention of "early and late rains" in the Old Testament occurs in a context affirming the faithfulness of the Lord (Deut 11, Hosea 6). 

     While we are between rains, we may not hear God's voice, Beth explains.  His presence may seem a million miles away.  Wow! This is precisely how I've felt for the last several months.  I've wandered where God went.  I've wandered why He doesn't speak to me like He did. 

     Beth explains that there comes a time when the Word of God is tested in our lives.  You cannot flood a crop and expect it to grow!  My pastor, Keith, says this "in-between" season is a time for reflection.  It's time to remember and reflect on God's faithfulness and rehearse the things God has said to us.

     This passage is such a blessing to me.  God is telling me that I'm in between my early and late rains.  He says that I am to be patient and remain steadfast.  And just as Jennifer said, my rain is coming! 

     I am so thankful that God sent this message to me through Jennifer.  What if she had not been faithful to speak to me that day in physical therapy?  If you knew what these words mean to me, you'd know how tragic that would be.  I am so thankful for Jennifer's obedience.

     I don't know how long until my late rains come.  I miss God's voice so very very much.  I will be so glad to hear His voice again.  But until then, just like the farmer, I will be patient and remain steadfast.  And thanks to Jennifer, I am energized to wait as long as it takes, because my rains are coming!

What I want for Christmas

With Christmas approaching, I am especially sad. I think of all the children who still need a mom and dad. Some are in an institution or in a foster home, others are living on the streets.  All they want for Christmas is someone to call their own... a mom whom they are convinced loves them... a dad whom they can trust.

I want God to use Matt and I to love a child who needs to be loved and cared for.  We pray about what to do...  Should we continue the journey to Russia (which is VERY expensive), adopt domestically, or foster parent?  I know in my heart that God will honor any adoption route we embark on.  However, we still want to hear from Him before we take a definitive step in any direction.

I ask God what to do.  He tells me to wait and be patient... I'm not sure what He means.  Does that mean He is orchestrating something behind the scenes?  Is it ok for us to look into foster parenting?  Should we foster a baby... or should we foster an older child?

I get angry with God because He seems to be in no hurry.  I feel very hurried.  I feel VERY burdened by the number of orphans and the challenges they face.  Matt and I want to be adoptive parents so badly. I wish God would tell us what He's doing. 

Can I tell you what I want?  I want to be a mom.  I want to build a large family through adoption.  I want to have four or more kids!  I want to tell my children that they matter very much.  I want to tell them that though many people have failed them, my LORD will not fail them.  I want to teach them Math, Literature, History, and Logic (I hate science, so they are on their own in Chemistry and Biology).  I want to help them learn their purpose in life, whatever it may be.  I want to encourage them and make sure they know how valuable they are.  I want to honor their biological families and encourage our child to love and honor them too.

If feels good to write down what I want.  Gods is well acquainted with what I want and need.  I want to be faithful and have a good attitude.  Please pray that God will tell us something that is comforting. 

Still Waiting

I'm sorry I've taken so long to update our blog.  Matt and I are still praying and listening for God.  We have begun to investigate some different adoption routes (like foster parenting).  We listen closely for direction; He still says to wait and be patient.

We do not know what God's plan is for our family.  It's tough to be patient and faithful when you long for something this badly.  I feel restless many days, but my love for God has not changed.  He is the most spectacular thing I know.  He deserves all my trust because He has proven Himself to me countless times.

I love Jesus very much.

Concert and Prayers

Matt and I thoroughly enjoyed our time of worship with everyone at the concert.  But to be honest, I must also admit that my heart is broken.  Our concert did not produce the attendance we had hoped for or expected.  Many have opinions as to why.  Well-inteneded as they are, I am much too vulnerable to hear them.  I do not want to believe anything that is not true.  Matt and I need to hear directly from our God.  Is He teaching us something?  Did we miss something?  Did we do nothing wrong and this is just part of His plan? 

I am very broken right now and cannot offer much at this point.  All I know right now is this:

1.      The artists (Jimmy Needham & Kimber Rising) were INCREDIBLE.  They performed as if we had 10,000 in attendance.  They offered MUCH encouragement to Matt and I.  Our lives are blessed because of them.  I pray that God drastically grows their ventures, because they truly love and serve our LORD. 
2.      Those who came were EXTREMELY generous. And it was obvious that they had a blast and left blessed. I hope you know how very grateful we are for your support and encouragement.

There is not one doubt in my mind that Matt and I are adopting. We aren’t adopting out of compulsion but because we desperately want to!  I am devastated right now, and I’m afraid.  I have no idea what God is trying to tell Matt and I … I have no idea how we will pay for this adoption. 

Right now, we are standing still and waiting for God to tell us something.  In the meantime, I've been praying and reading His Word.  Still, nothing fascinates or comforts me like Bible study.  I am thankful that I hear Him when I read my Bible.

Will you please pray for us?

Will I not equip you?

I just got back from Manhattan where I sat for the CFE exam (Certified Fraud Examiner).  I've been studying for this certification for a few months now and am pleased to report that I am officially a CFE!

Now my energy is again focused on promoting our benefit concert.  The auditorium will seat 1400 people.  We have done everything we can think of to promote the event (emailing hundreds of local pastors and ministry leaders, Facebooking, interviewing, soliciting sponsors, and etc.) But what if our efforts are not enough?  What if only a few hundred people come?  Our community has been so supportive, yet fears still manage to creep in.

I have no idea how God will provide the money we need to finish our adoption.  The journey ahead is so exciting, but very scary.  Sometimes, I feel perfectly peaceful, other times I feel like I've gone crazy.  I often find myself begging God to grow my faith.  It's shameful considering how faithful He has been to Matt and I.  God says the most comforting things to me.  A few days ago, He asked me a series of questions:  Tiffany, have I not called you to adopt?  Do I not have a child planned for you and Matt?  Do you think that I will not equip you and Matt with everything you need?

Wow!  God will equip us... He is equipping us.  I don't know how He will pull this off, but I am reminded of His faithfulness.  I love Him so much.

I want the BJHS auditorium filled to capacity, but not becuase our adoption depends on it.  This is why:  I know that God is coming to our concert... I mean, the most famous person there has ever been is coming to our concert!!  His name is, Jesus; and I'm telling you, He wouldn't miss this concert for anything!  God is going to have a blast becuase we are all gathered in one place, at one time, to worship Him!  And He deserves all of our praise. 

Our adoption is in His hands.  Our concert is in His hands too.

Benefit Concert Opener - KIMBER RISING!!!

I am so thrilled to tell you that KIMBER RISING will be opening for JIMMY NEEDHAM.

http://www.kimberrising.com/

Sisters, Amanda and Brianna Wilcox and Emille Crawford have performed over 300 concerts and toured with the likes of Todd Agnew, Building 429 and 33Miles. They’ve also opened for Mandisa, Natalie Grant, LeCrae, David Crowder Band, among other respected artists.

Be prepared to hear STUNNING harmonies!!!  It was really hard for me to choose the right video to entice you, but I settled on this one because I LOVE them a capella style.  This impromptu performance is not their studio version, but I want you to hear them sing with no instrunment other than the one God gave them!

Introducing Kimber's Rising's origianl song, Soon

"Hold on just a little bit longer
Even though the longing in your heart gets stronger
Soon now, it's gonna be soon now, yeah."

Lord,
You know the longing in my heart better than anyone.  We just want to love the child You planned for us.  Sometimes I let anxiety overwhelm me... and then Your peace comes flooding in.  Thank you so much for giving us Jimmy Needham and Kimber Rising.  Their support, everyone's support, is an answer to prayer.  I can hold on just a little bit longer because You will unite us with our little ones soon.  You are so good to Matt and I.

I Love you,
Tiff 



Benefit Concert with JIMMY NEEDHAM!

Please go to our Benefit Concert tab to learn more about our fundraiser with Christian recording artist, JIMMY NEEDHAM!!!!

One of my favorites! Unfailing Love

Benefit Concert: Jimmy Needham!!!!!

I am THRILLED to announce that Christian singer/songwriter, JIMMY NEEDHAM, is performing at a benefit concert to support our adoption!  Matt and I consider this such a miracle and an answer to prayer.  I am such a HUGE fan of his!  His style of music is very unique to him.  Many of you are very familiar with Jimmy Needham, as you hear his music on Christian stations all day long.  Those of you who are not yet familiar, I am CERTAIN you will become an instant fan!
 
The concert will be on SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8th at Bob Jones High School Auditorium.  I will share more details as they are solidified.
 
HELP Marketing:
I am preparing a promo video (roughly 2-2.5 minutes).  I should have it completed by Sept 5th.   Also, I am designing some flyers.  I am going to attempt to get some local radio stations involved
 
HOW YOU CAN HELP:
1.)    Please pray for our event.  Pray that we are stuffed to capacity (1400 guests).  Pray that God will use Jimmy Needham’s music to draw people closer to Him. 
2.)    Attend our event  J
3.)    Pass out flyers & show promo:  If you live within 100 miles of Huntsville AL, and are willing, will you please email me your contact info?  I would like to email (or mail) you our concert flyer and our promo video.  You could share this information with your church, workplace, friends, and families. 
 
Email me at PittmanAdoption@gmail.com
Please include:  Name, email, phone number, and mailing address.  Also, let me know if you prefer to receive the information by mail, email, or both.
 
4.)    Email me with any marketing ideas you may have (perhaps you have some contacts that would be interested in helping us market our event)
5.)    SPONSORS:  We would welcome any person or business who is willing to help us sponsor this event.  We would also be proud to express our appreciation for our sponsors at the concert.  Please email me if you are interested.
6.)    IF YOU HAVE ADOPTED, please email me a picture of your family.  I would like to use these “success stories” in our slide show.
 
Final Thoughts:
Right now, we are thinking that the concert will be a non-ticketed event.  It will likely begin at 7:30 or 8pm, with doors opening one hour prior.  Our church will be accepting donations on our behalf at the door, therefore donations will be tax deductible (our church will pay our adoption agency directly).  Lastly, we have contacted another artist to be the “opening act.”  I will let you know more if this person is able to join us (say a prayer, please). 
 
Finally, GOD IS GOOD!  I am overwhelmed by His faithfulness to us.

Defender

I’ve been reading about the plight of Russia’s orphans… the reviews are mixed.  Some of these children’s circumstances are horrific, others seem to be at least adequately cared for.  BUT, regardless of the level of care, these children have nothing that belongs to them.  Even the clothing they wear does not belong to them, much less a mommy or daddy to call their own.

I don’t know who God is giving us… I don’t even know if we are getting a boy or a girl.  Maybe He will give us one of each!  :)  I desperately want to hold them and tell them that Matt and I belong to them, forever.  In the meantime, I pray.  I pray that God protects them.  I pray that He gives them pleasant dreams.  I pray that He makes them unafraid; I hope He whispers the most comforting words to them.  I hope He tells them that we are coming.

There is a BEAUTIFUL song by singer/songwriter, Chris McClarney, called, Defender.   This song echoes everything I know to be true about God.  When I am afraid or worried, I can lay my cares at His feet and fix my eyes on Him.  All the hopes Matt and I have for our little one are hidden in Him; and He is our Little One’s Defender.

I hope you will take time to listen to Chris McClarney (lyrics are pasted below)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ouFAuaQhnU



Resting in Your promise
I will rest within the knowledge that You care
I put my trust in You
Deep within the darkness
Though my enemies surround I will not fear
I put my trust in You

And when I don't know what to do
I will fix my eyes on You

You’re our defender
I hide my hope in You
You are the loving arms my broken heart can run to
I will remember
That there is nothing You can't do
For You are God, You are good
And I surrender
You're our defender

You are strong when I am weakest
You're the peace that passes everything I see
I put my trust in You
I'm surrendering completely
Laying all my cares here at Your feet
I put my trust in You

A mighty fortress is our God
I will not fear, I will not fear
Safe and secure here in Your love
I will not fear, I will not fear

Direction... and Benefit Concert

Bob Jones High School has agreed to host a benefit concert for us.  They have suggested the dates of October 7th or 8th (Friday or Saturday).  I am very grateful for my former high school.

I'm looking for musical talent for our concert...obviously I'm under a time crunch.  It's especially difficult to find talent when you are planning a benefit concert and therefore unable to pay the artists what they are most definitely worth.  I'm asking God to give us direction... and even a miracle.

I still get very embarrassed every time a write a new post.  Some posts embarrass me more than others, and I find myself wishing no one would read this blog. I'm ashamed to admit this since you all have been so supportive and encouraging.  I know this:  God is more concerned with fulfilling His purpose than He is about catering to our comfort level, isn't He?  LOL :)

I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions.  I feel worried and anxious about making the right decisions for our adoption (i.e. the right agency, funding...).  But, I always feel grateful and joyful.  I am profoundly grateful that God has a baby planned for Matt and I.  I feel overjoyed every time I think of pur little one. 

Sometimes in life, you feel like you are just stumbling along.  Maybe you feel out of place or misunderstood.  Ever since God revealed adoption to us, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, and doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.  I know that our baby is worth whatever challenges await us.  Of course, God gives me the confidence to say this.  With Him, EVERYTHING is made possible!

Help! Finding the Right Agency - Russia Licensed

Our home study is nearly complete.  We are just waiting for a couple of forms to arrive and the final report will be signed.  Since our agency is not licensed in Russia, we have to find a different agency to conduct the remainder of our international adoption.  By the way, we have LOVED using Lifeline for our contract home study (www.lifelineadoption.org).  We have nothing but glowing things to say about Lifeline, and we would definitely use them if we were going to adopt from Ukraine.
 
Below is a list of US agencies licensed in Russia (none of which are in Alabama, sadly).  We feel overwhelmed.  We have requested information packets from many of them, and tried to read reviews online.  Some of the reviews are mixed, therefore, we are having a difficult time deciding.  Any assistance or reviews that you can provide will be MUCH appreciated.
List of Adoption Agencies accredited with the Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation as of April 20, 2011:
1.    ABC Adoption Services, Inc.
2.    Adopt-A-Child, Inc.
3.    Adoption Associates, Inc.
4.    Adoption Center of Washington
5.    Adoption Options
6.    Adoptions Together, Inc.
7.    Alaska International Adoption Agency
8.    Alliance for Children
9.    American International Adoption Agency, Inc.
10. Americans for International Aid and Adoption
11. Beacon House Adoption Services, Inc.
12. Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services, Inc.
13. Catholic Social Services of the Diocese of Charlotte, North Carolina, Inc.
14. Children's Home Society and Family Services
15. Children's Hope International
16. Christian World Adoption
17. Creative Adoptions, Inc.
18. DOVE Adoptions International, Inc.
19. European Adoption Consultants
20. Families Thru International Adoption
21. Frank Adoption Center
22. Florence Crittenton League of Lowell
23. Gladney Center for Adoption
24. Global Adoption Services, Inc.
25. Good Hope Adoption Services, Inc.
26. Hand in Hand
27. Happy Families International Center
28. Homestudies and Adoption Placement Services, Inc.
29. International Assistance Group
30. International Christian Adoptions
31. Life Adoption Services, Inc.
32. Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan, Inc.
33. New Hope Christian Services
34. Small World Adoption Foundation of Missouri, Inc.
35. Wide Horizons for Children
36. World Association for Children and Parents (WACAP)
37. World Child International
38. World Links
39. Wyoming Children’s Society
 
 
 

Russia...Benefit Concert

Matt and I have been praying about where God wants us to go for our adoption.  We feel very drawn to Easter Europe, and therefore feel like we will ultimately go to Russia. 

http://www.frua.org/countries/russia
About Russia, Source:  Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoptions (FRUA)

I began researching agencies in the US that are licensed in Russia (there is only abut 30).  I felt overwhelmed until I ran across an agency in Cheyenne, WY.

http://www.wyomingcs.org/

Matt and I were in Cheyenne for 3+ years while he was serving in the Air Force.  I called the agency and was very impressed with their Russian adoption program.  Ironically, I was reading about the Board of Directors and saw the name, Janet Taylor.  I led a Bible Study in Cheyenne that Janet attended; naturally, I called Janet to get some more information, and she had glowing things to say about their program.  I'm very anxious to get started with them. 

Benefit Concert:
It's about $40,000 to adopt from Russia after all relevant fees and traveling expenses; While Matt and I saving very hard, we will still have to do some fund raising.

We are in the midst of planning a benefit concert.  Mr. Craft, the AMAZING Performing Arts teacher, is allowing us to rent the BJHS Auditorium.  He has been very encouraging and supportive, and I am very grateful.

We are looking for a weekend date in September or October.  I will keep you posted as I learn more details.  Keep us in your prayers, please.

Knowing and Missing

I told God that I love Him today.  I think I heard Him tell me that He misses me.  What a strange thing for God to say.  After all, He knows me intimately and perfectly already. I have been pondering what this could mean, and came across this verse:                

     1 Corinthians 13:12             
     For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.               

Ancient mirrors were made from polished metal (such as bronze), and thus one's reflection was more “dim” than in modern mirrors. “Face to face” references Christ’s return.  Additionally, the OT uses the phrase “face to face,” to refer to seeing God personally; cf. Gen. 32:30; Ex. 33:11; Deut. 5:4; 34:10; Judg. 6:22; Ezek. 20:35.

God longs for the day when I will be with Him, face to face; the day He brings me to my forever home.  Then, I will know Him fully, without my humanly, earthly, limitations.  I know that I miss God, but in my earthly knowledge, I cannot imagine what knowing Him fully will be like.  The amazing-ness is incomprehensible to me.  But, God knows what it will be like for He and I, and He longs for it.

The God of all that is, or ever was, longs to be with me!  It makes me cry when I think about how much He loves me.  I miss HIM very much.  The fact that I am not with Him, face to face, means that His plans for me on Planet Earth are not yet complete.  I can’t help but think of the son or daughter He has planned for us.  I miss you  little one; I am so anxious to meet you and get to know you.  I don’t know you yet, but my Lord knows you very well.

God's Provision and Gymnastics

Matt and I are still waiting for God to tell us where to go to adopt.

Matthew 6:34
So do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Waiting on the Lord each day is VERY hard when you want something this badly.  It’s hard to wait on God’s direction when you don’t know how many more tomorrows are in store before He tells you the next step.  This verse from Matthew is very fitting.  I hope God speaks up soon because I am becoming increasingly tempted to coerce friends and strangers into giving me one of their children. LOL!  I’m definitely kidding.  We are trying to put together some fundraisers, so I will keep you posted.

I have been feeling very sad and anxious, so I went to see my former gymnastics coach, Debbie Santos.  She began coaching me when I 6 yrs old; I adore and love this woman more than I can convey.  My gymnastics career ended the summer before my senior year when I had my second back surgery.  I broke my back in a car accident, not gymnastics.  I have been coaching competitive gymnastics off and on for years, and Debbie has always extended an open invitation to return.

My intention last night was only to visit my gymnasts and talk to my former coach.  From the instant I walked into the gym, I was happy… I felt like I belonged here.  My girls were stretching and I was desperately trying to watch rather than correct their form.  It was impossible.  I approached Debbie and asked her if she could use an additional coach.  She answered with an emphatic YES!  I could not begin coaching last night… I was still in my business suit and heels.  BUT, I will begin coaching the competitive girls on Tuesday and Thursday evenings!

Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
I am overjoyed.  God knows that I “need” to parent, and coaching is the next best thing!  God supplied the avenue that will fulfill me while I wait for His direction on where to go for our adoption.  I am in love with my God; His provision is always perfect. 

Please visit my gymnastics academy:  http://www.southernstatesgymnastics.com/

I will likely post videos and pictures of them in the near future!

To the Birth Mothers

A Lifeline social worker (Margo) said something to Matt and I that I have not forgotten.  She said that adoption is almost always "crisis oriented...bittersweet."  I had never considered this.  She continued, explaining that no mother wants to carry and deliver her baby only to give him or her over to a practical stranger.  Is this not especially true in the U.S., where abortions are relatively inexpensive and an available option?  In other words, if a mother carries her baby to term, she more than likely wanted to keep her baby!

Side Note:  Please understand, I don't mean to diminish or offend the mother who has chosen abortion.  I can't imagine such a decision is ever entered into lightly.  I also imagine that such a decision is intensely painful... and a host of other conflicting emotions.  My sincere prayer is that such a mother finds answers, forgiveness, acceptance, and peace from the man who loves her more than his own life.  Jesus.

My intent is only to highlight my new admiration for birth parents.  I was, admittedly, very naive about the heartache and challenges birth mothers face.  They may endure pressure from their partner (spouse or boyfriend) to abort their baby.  Perhaps the mother is in an abusive relationship.  Maybe she feels pressure to keep a baby she feels she cannot adequately care for.  The birth mother may be an adolescent; therefore, she may endure stares and judgements from her peers as she carries her baby to term.  Sadly, she may desperately want to keep her baby but cannot afford to take care of him or her.  As I consider the possible circumstances, I too have concluded that the adoption decision is almost always crisis oriented.

I now have much respect for birth mothers.  I think the mother who carries and delivers her baby is very brave. 

Through the miracle of adoption, God is giving Matt and I a child.  However, it has not gone unnoticed that our child belonged to someone before he or she belonged to me.  I can only think of a couple words to describe how this bittersweet journey makes me feel:  Inexplicably grateful, and even these words feel wholly inadequate.

As the church, the body of Christ, we need to seek-out opportunities to help our expectant and/or struggling mothers.  We need to come along side them.  We need to serve them and love them the way Christ loved us, and gave Himself up for us.  I'm not certain what this will look like in your life; perhaps you will assist financially, offer counseling, or who knows?  Maybe you will one day adopt!?!

HE called Matt and I to adoption... and I promise you, I didn't see this one coming!  But I am so so grateful that He did!

Psalm 130:5-6 - "The Waiting Room"

Our final home study interview is complete!  There is nothing else left for Matt and I to do except begin the international part of our adoption, which means we apply to an adoption agency licensed in our desired country.  The problem is that we don't know where God wants us to go... Do we go to Ukraine for a 5-6 yr old?  Russia for a baby? Or somewhere else entirely?  Until God tells us the next step, we are at a complete standstill.  Ever since Ukraine passed new and unexpected legislation, we have been asking God where He will have us go...

I have been heartbroken for the last few weeks, to be honest.  I'm ready to charge through and immediately start preparing our dossier for international adoption.  I've begged God for answers, but all He says is "Wait for Me."  What?  Why wait?  You've planned a child for us who is already out there... why are we waiting? 

I came across a verse in Psalms this morning:

Psalm 130:5-6

“I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning,”

The psalmist is comparing waiting expectantly on the Lord to night guards of the city who wait for sunrise.  Since a seige was more probable under the cloak of darkness, the night guards had much cause to be especially vigilant.  They watched in anticipation of the coming dawn when they would be released from duty. The coming of the dawn was certain, but not without the passage of time.

Waiting on the Lord inevitably means enduring some passage of time.  That waiting includes the concept of hope is why the Hebrew word qavah is sometimes translated “hope” or “look expectantly,” and why yacha, which means “to wait” can mean either “wait” or “hope.”

Matt and I are waiting for God's direction... He gave us His word that He is going to give us a child.  This is His promise to Matt and I, and our hope is rooted in the fact that God has always been faithful to us.

God told me this morning that, Waiting means confident expectation... Matt and I may not know where our little one is, but we can confidently expect that God will keep His word, and reveal all at the right time.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I feel more confident, less anxious now.  However, I will continue to make my request known to Him.  I will still ask Him throughout the day for direction... but I will try not to beg out of desperation any longer.

God is so good to us, despite ourselves.  Pray for us when you think to.

SVETA JOSIE HOUSER:  On an end note, my dear friends, the Housers, have returned from Ukraine with their new addition:  Svetlana "Josie" HOUSER!  I know that Peyton and Paige welcomed their new sister with much excitement.  Their journey has not been without heartache either, but in the end, it's all worth it.  Sveta Josie is with her forever family!  http://www.followusthere.blogspot.com/

Russia... Ukraine...?

As I mentioned in the last post, Ukraine passed new legislation.  If we adopt from Ukraine, we will have to adopt a 5-yr old child or older.  Additionally, Ukraine is making some adjustments that will slow and/or halt international adoptions for an indefinite period.

We are praying and asking God what to do.  We know we feel very drawn to Eastern Europe... so we are investigating other countries. When we began this journey, we wanted to go to Russia, but our adoption agency isn't licensed in Russia; They do facilitate Ukrainian adoptions, so we thought Ukraine would be the clear choice.  We are CRAZY about our adoption agency, Lifeline Children Services (http://www.liflineadoption.org/).  They are conducting a contract home study for us.  Our social worker, Gisella, is soooo amazing; we adore her.  She has made this difficult process much easier. 

Anyway, we settled on Ukraine because (1) Lifeline has an amazing Ukraine coordinator, named Jana; (2) the country is part of Easter Europe; and (3) our church friends, the Housers, are adopting from the Ukraine.

Side Note:  The Housers are in Ukraine right now!  They will bring home their little girl sometime within the next few weeks!!!!  You can follow them at www.FollowUsThere.blogspot.com

From my research thus far, a Russian adoption will be much more expensive.  However, we could adopt a 1-3 year old, which has always been our prayer. 

I don't know what God has in store for us.  All Matt and I really want is just the child that He planned for us, wherever he or she may be.  Please pray that God will tell us what to do and where to go. 

I'm an accountant; Additionally, I was raised to be very fiscally responsible.  It's really important to Matt and I that we be good stewards of the money He has given us.  Please pray that He will help us find a way to fund this adoption and still be good stewards.  It may seem like a bizarre request, but it's on my mind most everyday.

Lots-of -Love!

PS - I'm very humbled that you are following us on this journey.  I'm still stunned that anyone would read our blog.