God Brought the Rains!!!!!!

Dear Family & Friends,

            I imagine you’re thinking, “Wow, this is a super long letter!”  Anyhow, I sincerely hope you hang in until the end because I think you’ll find your wait worthwhile.  Some of what I recall might be repetitive if you follow our blog, but please bear with us. 

             As you know, Matt and I have been pursuing adoption for about a year now.  You have all been so encouraging.  We are very grateful for your generous financial support during our benefit concert last October.  Your support means a lot to us because this adoption journey has been a mental and spiritual roller coaster.  Some days are thrilling because we’re focused on the prize: a beautiful child we can call our own.  Other days are filled with anxiety as I grow impatient and uncertain. 

            While planning the benefit concert, Matt and I were very careful to wait for God’s direction and provision.  Please believe me when I say that MUCH prayer went into planning our concert.  However, from a human’s perspective, the concert was a failure.  My heart was broken after the concert did not produce the attendance we hoped for.  Christian artists Jimmy Needham and Kimber Rising performed as if thousands were in attendance.  Those who came were very generous, enthusiastic, and supportive.    We raised just enough money to cover our costs plus pay the first installment of our home study fee with Lifeline Adoption Agency.   If you knew how few were in attendance, you’d know that coming out ahead was a huge blessing.  Still, I was devastated.

            Immediately following the concert, I prayed every day asking God to show me where I went wrong.  I felt humiliated after the concert.  Everyone had been so generous and yet we were still a long way from affording our international adoption.  I began asking God, “Did I just imagine that you called Matt and I to adopt?”  God spoke to me very sweetly in the weeks following the concert.  He affirmed our calling to adopt.  He also told me He was not disappointed in us which was an enormous relief.  Satan loves to humiliate us, but God is gentle.  He used my embarrassment to teach me humility and grace.  Only our sweet Lord can humble us without humiliating us.

            As I reported in our blog, God has been very quiet since late October.  Before October, God talked to me all the time.  Not in an audible voice, but nonetheless, He spoke to my heart regularly.  Since October, all God says is, “Wait; be patient.”  Let me tell you, waiting on the Lord is exhausting.

            On November 19, 2011, I wrote on our blog, “We do not know what God's plan is for our family.  It's tough to be patient and faithful when you long for something this badly.  I feel restless many days, but my love for God has not changed.”  I’ll be honest; I have not appreciated God’s imposed “quiet time.”  Many times I have begged God to hurry up and give us a baby!  I’m ashamed to admit that my sassy mouth has demanded that God speak to me.  Obviously the last several months have not been my finest.         

            God should be furious with me over my bad attitude and disrespect.  But He is so tender with me.  I love Him because He shows me so much mercy.  Clearly I needed some help, so I started to see my pastor (Keith) for counseling.  Keith said that God wants me to use this quiet time to reflect on His faithfulness.  Let me tell you, there is MUCH to reflect on because God has been very faithful and good to me.   

            Fast Forward:  I had knee surgery this year after I tore my ACL coaching gymnastics.  While in physical therapy, the same woman kept staring at me week after week.  Finally, one day in late February, she motioned me over and said the most bizarre thing:  “You are going to think I am crazy, but God told me I’m suppose to talk to you.”  WOW!  That might freak you out but remember, I’d been begging God to speak to me for months!  I wish I could describe how elated I felt.  As it turns out, God told Jennifer to speak to me weeks prior, but it had taken her a while to work up the courage. 

            Her message to me from God was this:  “You’re between the rains.  Your faith is being tested, but your rain is coming.”  Super confusing, right?  Jennifer had been participating in a Beth Moore Bible Study titled, Mercy Triumphs, when God gave her this message for me (a stranger).  Beth Moore was teaching from James, Chapter 5.  I got home and immediately downloaded the lesson.  I was blown away! 

James 5:7-11
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord.   See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand… Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

            Allow me to explain the passage, and I believe you'll see why I was so thrilled to hear from God!  As the passage explains, the farmer patiently waits for the early and the late rains.  Think of the rains as an outpouring of God's spirit and presence.  It's a time when He reveals Himself vividly and His presence is felt.  Until late October, I definitely felt like I was in the rains.

According to the agrarian calendar, the early rains come in late October to early November.  The late rains don't come until April/May.  The passage above describes the season in between the early and late rains where the farmer must wait and be patient.  During this time, the Farmer's trust (in God's provision) is tested because he so desperately depends on the late rains for his livelihood.  Ironically, every mention of "early and late rains" in the Old Testament occurs in a context affirming the faithfulness of the Lord (Deut 11, Hosea 6). 

While we are between rains, we may not hear God's voice, Beth explains.  His presence may seem a million miles away.  Wow! This is precisely how I've felt for the last several months.  Since the “early rains” stopped (around late October/early November) I've wandered where God went.  I've wondered why He doesn't speak to me like He use to. 

Beth explains that there comes a time when the Word of God is tested in our lives.  You cannot flood a crop and expect it to grow, right?  Like Pastor Keith says, this "in-between" season is a time for reflection.  It's time to remember and reflect on God's faithfulness and rehearse the things God has said to us and promised us.

This passage has been a HUGE blessing to me.  If you know that your rain, your relief, is coming, then you are able to muster enough strength to remain steadfast and to persevere.  I told my women’s prayer group about it and they all got chills. Every Wednesday, these women have prayed that God would bring Matt and me a child of our own this year.  I wish you could hear their beautiful words as they pray with expectation that God will show up for us.  They’ve even prayed that my “late rains” would come in April/May timeframe, just like the farmer’s late rains.  God does enjoy symbolism, does He not?!  Such a specific prayer is worth a try, I think.

Well, I am thrilled beyond measure to report that MATT AND I ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  By the time you read this, I will be three months pregnant, which I believed highly improbable.  Matt and I are shocked, but excited and very very happy.  Interestingly, I learned I was pregnant in early May, the same time farmers receive their late rains.  A coincidence?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  By the way, I am due January 11, 2013.  God is soooooooo great!

So what about our adoption?  Our home study report has been completed, but our adoption agency has suspended our adoption until six months after we deliver our biological baby.  It may come as a surprise, but postponing our adoption is saddening.  In my heart, I strongly believe God has called Matt and I to adopt.   More than that, my heart longs to build our family through adoption. My heart breaks for the millions of orphaned children who deserve a mom and dad to call their own.  I suppose God has a different time table in mind, but I will be so thrilled if/when God enables us to resume our adoption process.

Dearest family and friends, your financial support means a lot to us.  When you gave generously, your intent was to further our adoption.  We understand that and appreciate you so much.  However, our adoption is on hold for a while, and it is really important to Matt and me that we return your donations. 

Some of you donated via check and others cash.  If you donated to our adoption with a check, please accept the enclosed money.  You may be tempted not to deposit it, but please know that it would give Matt and me much peace and satisfaction if you would. 

Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing who donated cash or how much.  If you will let us know what you donated, we will be pleased to send you a check.  Whatever donations remain, we plan to give them to our church’s adoption ministry.  We hope you find this satisfactory.  God is still calling families to adoption because His heart is for the orphaned (James 1).

Thank you for reading until the end.  I hope you know how much Matt and I love you all.   We will continue to update everyone on our blog:  www.PittmanAdoption.blogspot.com.  God is soooooooo good!

                                                              Lots-of-Love,

Matt and Tiffany Pittman

Wait on the LORD.  Be courageous, and He will strengthen your heart.  Wait on the LORD! – Psalm 27:14.

His Mercies are New Every Morning!

I was listening to Christian apologist, Ravi Zacharias, while he was sharing a poem by an unknown author. 

A New Sheet, A New Day

He came to my desk with a quivering lip,
the lesson was done.
“Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted
and gave him a new one all unspotted.
And into his tired heart I cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

I came to the throne with a trembling heart;
the day was done.
“Have you a new day for me, dear Master?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
He took my day, all soiled and blotted
and gave me a new one all unspotted.
And into my tired heart he cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

My mind keeps reflecting on [my affliction] and I become depressed.  This is what comes to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's gracious love we are not consumed, since His compassions never end.  They are new every morning - great is Your faithfulness!

I love this poem because it reminds me of my favorite verses from Lamentations.  Matt and I are still adopting and this season continues to be very difficult (spiritually and mentally).  My mind often fixates on the challenges and I become impatient and depressed.  But my God's compassion NEVER fails.  Just as the King David describes in Psalms 30: 5:  Weeping may lodge for the night, but shouts of joy come in the morning!  His mercies are new every morning... I get a new day!

If you've cried yourself to sleep, I pray you've experienced God's mercy in the morning... that assurance He gives you that it's a new day, and He has not left your side! 

Poem Reference:  Author anonymous, “A New Leaf,” James G. Lawson, compiler, The Best Loved Religious Poems (Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1961).

Jimmy Needham - If I Ever Needed Grace, It's Now!

I am such a fan of Jimmy Needham!  He is clearly INSANELY gifted by God.  But my admiration for him and his gift go deeper.  He was the headliner at our adoption benefit concert which afforded me the chance to get to know him better.  Wow, I wish everyone could spend at least an hour with him!  He is special.  I believe Jimmy, like King David, is a man after God's heart.  I am thankful for him and the ministry God is giving him.  I get a bit teary-eyed when I think about what his music means to me.  Lord, please continue to protect and develop Jimmy's ministry.

Jimmy is releasing his new album.... but I'd like to give you a tease of what's to come!  The single is titled, "If I Ever Needed Grace."  Go to his website, and download his single and pre-order his album.

http://www.jimmyneedham.com/

Jimmy Needham - If I Ever Needed Grace
A lifetime of empty days
A hungry heart was desperate for a meal
I feasted on the bread of life
Forgiveness pierced me like a knife
Your breath filled up my lungs and I could feel
I was broke and all I could say was
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace, it’s now

I met the woman of my dreams
Wanted to give her everything
Then fear came like a thief in the night
But my journal pages prophesy
That one day I’d make her my bride
Soon my best friend was wearing white
With our lives ahead all I could say was

If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
In every joy and pain
Whatever comes my way
God I need Your grace

Nine short months ’til she arrived
Little hands and lion’s eyes
And I’m so scared I don’t have what it takes
But I hear Your voice Sunday morning
Father give me eyes to see
All I need’s the power of Your Name
If I ever needed grace, it’s now
You are strong when I am weak, somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need You to cover me
If I ever needed grace
If I ever needed grace
If I ever needed grace, it’s now

God Spoke... My rain is coming!

     This post will be especially long, but I haven't written anything for almost 3 months.  I want to tell you how God finally spoke to me last week.  I have to tell you, He chose a somewhat bizarre method to deliver His message.  Bear with me as I quickly give the background.
    
     Beginning late last October, God became very quiet.  Before then, God talked to me all the time.  Not in an audible voice, but nonetheless, He spoke to my heart regularly.  He has been quiet for over four months now and I have been so sad and defeated by this "season."

     I have been heartbroken over our stalled adoption for months now.  I have asked God what to do.  I've asked Him for direction.  I've begged Him to speak to me.  But He says nothing.  The only thing I hear, somewhere in my spirit, is a small voice that says, "Wait.  Be patient."  Let me tell you, waiting is exhausting. 

   I had knee surgery in January after I tore my ACL coaching gymnastics.  Consequently, I've been going to physical therapy for the past couple months.  I kept seeing this same blond hair woman at my appointments.  She'd smile or sometimes say, "Hello."  To be honest, she sort of looked at me funny... like she recognized me but couldn't place me. 

   Last week, she motioned me over and said the strangest thing:  "You're going to think I'm crazy, but God told me I'm suppose to talk to you."  WOW!  That was the greatest news I had heard in the longest time.  I had been begging God to talk to me - I wish I could describe how elated I was that He was finally going to speak!

     I told her, "I'm a Christian too!  And if God told you to talk to me, I definitely want to hear what He has to say!"  As it turns out, God told her to speak to me weeks ago, but she was too afraid.  She had finally worked up the nerve.  I was so anxious to hear what God had told her.  Unfortunately, God just told her to talk to me... there was no specific message.

     I was sort of disappointed, but we decided to have lunch together and just visit.  I learned her name, which is Jennifer, and much more.  We had a great time.  I told Jennifer about some of my favorite Bible teachers.  If you don't know this already, I am a HUGE fan of Chuck Missler, Ravi Zacharias, and Beth Moore.  As it turns out, Jennifer was unfamiliar with Beth Moore.

     We parted after lunch but agreed we'd meet up again next week.  Well, a few days later, Jennifer sends me a bizarre text that says:  "You're between the rains.  Your faith is being tested.  Your rain is coming.  -This is what God told me to tell you." 

     I was so confused.  Jennifer explained that she had gone to a Beth Moore Bible study with a friend on Wednesday night.  It was Beth's newest Bible study called, Mercy Triumphs which is a Bible study on the book of James.  Beth was in the 7th lesson teaching from James 5.  I was desperate to learn what the message meant, but I needed the context.  So, I went online and downloaded the lesson to listen for myself.  I WAS BLOW AWAY!!!!

 Below is the passage that Beth was teaching from:

James 5:7-11
Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

     Allow me to explain the passage, and I believe you'll see why I was so thrilled to hear from God.

     As the passage explains, the farmer patiently waits for the early and late rains.  Think of the rains as an outpouring of God's spirit and presence.  It's a time when he reveals Himself vividly and His presence is felt.  Until late October, I definitely felt like I was in the rains.
     According to the agrarian calendar, the early rains come in late October to early November.  The late rains don't come until April/May.  The passage above describes the season in between the early and late rains where the farmer must be patient.  During this time, the Farmer's trust (in God's provision) is tested because he so desperately depends on the late rains for his livelihood.  Ironically, every mention of "early and late rains" in the Old Testament occurs in a context affirming the faithfulness of the Lord (Deut 11, Hosea 6). 

     While we are between rains, we may not hear God's voice, Beth explains.  His presence may seem a million miles away.  Wow! This is precisely how I've felt for the last several months.  I've wandered where God went.  I've wandered why He doesn't speak to me like He did. 

     Beth explains that there comes a time when the Word of God is tested in our lives.  You cannot flood a crop and expect it to grow!  My pastor, Keith, says this "in-between" season is a time for reflection.  It's time to remember and reflect on God's faithfulness and rehearse the things God has said to us.

     This passage is such a blessing to me.  God is telling me that I'm in between my early and late rains.  He says that I am to be patient and remain steadfast.  And just as Jennifer said, my rain is coming! 

     I am so thankful that God sent this message to me through Jennifer.  What if she had not been faithful to speak to me that day in physical therapy?  If you knew what these words mean to me, you'd know how tragic that would be.  I am so thankful for Jennifer's obedience.

     I don't know how long until my late rains come.  I miss God's voice so very very much.  I will be so glad to hear His voice again.  But until then, just like the farmer, I will be patient and remain steadfast.  And thanks to Jennifer, I am energized to wait as long as it takes, because my rains are coming!

What I want for Christmas

With Christmas approaching, I am especially sad. I think of all the children who still need a mom and dad. Some are in an institution or in a foster home, others are living on the streets.  All they want for Christmas is someone to call their own... a mom whom they are convinced loves them... a dad whom they can trust.

I want God to use Matt and I to love a child who needs to be loved and cared for.  We pray about what to do...  Should we continue the journey to Russia (which is VERY expensive), adopt domestically, or foster parent?  I know in my heart that God will honor any adoption route we embark on.  However, we still want to hear from Him before we take a definitive step in any direction.

I ask God what to do.  He tells me to wait and be patient... I'm not sure what He means.  Does that mean He is orchestrating something behind the scenes?  Is it ok for us to look into foster parenting?  Should we foster a baby... or should we foster an older child?

I get angry with God because He seems to be in no hurry.  I feel very hurried.  I feel VERY burdened by the number of orphans and the challenges they face.  Matt and I want to be adoptive parents so badly. I wish God would tell us what He's doing. 

Can I tell you what I want?  I want to be a mom.  I want to build a large family through adoption.  I want to have four or more kids!  I want to tell my children that they matter very much.  I want to tell them that though many people have failed them, my LORD will not fail them.  I want to teach them Math, Literature, History, and Logic (I hate science, so they are on their own in Chemistry and Biology).  I want to help them learn their purpose in life, whatever it may be.  I want to encourage them and make sure they know how valuable they are.  I want to honor their biological families and encourage our child to love and honor them too.

If feels good to write down what I want.  Gods is well acquainted with what I want and need.  I want to be faithful and have a good attitude.  Please pray that God will tell us something that is comforting. 

Still Waiting

I'm sorry I've taken so long to update our blog.  Matt and I are still praying and listening for God.  We have begun to investigate some different adoption routes (like foster parenting).  We listen closely for direction; He still says to wait and be patient.

We do not know what God's plan is for our family.  It's tough to be patient and faithful when you long for something this badly.  I feel restless many days, but my love for God has not changed.  He is the most spectacular thing I know.  He deserves all my trust because He has proven Himself to me countless times.

I love Jesus very much.

Concert and Prayers

Matt and I thoroughly enjoyed our time of worship with everyone at the concert.  But to be honest, I must also admit that my heart is broken.  Our concert did not produce the attendance we had hoped for or expected.  Many have opinions as to why.  Well-inteneded as they are, I am much too vulnerable to hear them.  I do not want to believe anything that is not true.  Matt and I need to hear directly from our God.  Is He teaching us something?  Did we miss something?  Did we do nothing wrong and this is just part of His plan? 

I am very broken right now and cannot offer much at this point.  All I know right now is this:

1.      The artists (Jimmy Needham & Kimber Rising) were INCREDIBLE.  They performed as if we had 10,000 in attendance.  They offered MUCH encouragement to Matt and I.  Our lives are blessed because of them.  I pray that God drastically grows their ventures, because they truly love and serve our LORD. 
2.      Those who came were EXTREMELY generous. And it was obvious that they had a blast and left blessed. I hope you know how very grateful we are for your support and encouragement.

There is not one doubt in my mind that Matt and I are adopting. We aren’t adopting out of compulsion but because we desperately want to!  I am devastated right now, and I’m afraid.  I have no idea what God is trying to tell Matt and I … I have no idea how we will pay for this adoption. 

Right now, we are standing still and waiting for God to tell us something.  In the meantime, I've been praying and reading His Word.  Still, nothing fascinates or comforts me like Bible study.  I am thankful that I hear Him when I read my Bible.

Will you please pray for us?